WHY? :(

why does he keep on haunting me? why cant i get rid of him? why cant i move on?...i thought everything was okay, i thought everything was over but why am i crying again, remembering everything. it's been too long and i have been trying to move on for quite some time, but why cant i? is it love? anger? depression? or just plain old stupidity?...

there are times that i know that i have moved on...but then again, something happens and here iam again, feeling depressed and alone. im sick and tired of feeling this way, i have been heartbroken many times and i regain my heart back fast, but what happened now? i have so much resentment, so many things to say. i have decided that i dont want to be stupid again but it is always a stuggle for me to stand for my decision. i know that we are not really meant for each other, i know that i must move on and go on with my life which he already did, i wanted to heal my wounds...i thought time can heal it..but i guess not.


i hate this fucking feeling :(

WHY? :(

second sem sucks...BIG TIME :(

sir vince (our IT coordinator) gave us our calendar of activities for this semester and it sucks BIG TIME. we only have 13 weeks to finish everything, including thesis.

here's our calendar of activitites:

december 22 - jan. 6 : CHRISTMAS
BREAK
jan. 7 : Resume of Classes
jan. 12 : MIDTERMS
feb. 21: FINALS
feb. 26: COMPRE EXAMS (exit exams for graduating
students)
MIDDLE OF JANUARY: FINAL THESIS
DEFENSE

waaaahhh...buti na lang im single..looks like i will not be having any social life this semester. :(

♥ b.a

at last, school started ☺

November 7, 2007 First Day of Classes

wohoo!!! classes started already and i'm so excited :)

as usual, ang ingay nanaman ng Manapacs..namiss namin ang isa't isa masyado. :) Wednesday (Nov. 7) was our first day, ang weird kasi 40+ kami sa aming Women Studies na subject, ika nga ni Arla, 30 minutes aabutin yung prof. namin just to check the attendance, eh since letter U pa ko..pwedeng pwede akong dumating ng mga 10:45 at hindi pako natatawag. hahahaha... we ate lunch at Munch N' Gulp. yun...sobrang busog with my usual order, chicken burger :)).

sir vince's class was fun..as usual, ang ingay nanaman namin, pero enjoy naman class ni sir vince, i just hope may matutunan naman ako this time :P.

November 8, 2007 Second Day of Classes

dahil isang oras lang ang klase namin at Music Appreciation pa, eh nagdecide kaming maglakwatsa. dapat may susubukan kamin kebab restau na request ni Marie, kaya lang late nagising si Maria kaya di na xa pumasok, kaya ang bagsak namin...MIDTOWN!! wohoo.. (FYI, bukas na yung new wing ng Robinson Ermita.. :]) ayun..nag Music Zone kami and sobbrraang sayaa..mega kanta kanta kami ng chuva left chuva left at ellah..ellah..eh..eh.. (uyy..kinanta nia yun) feeling mga rock divas kami nila Arla, Kri at Andy :)

i also had my first taste of Tea Square..sarap nia ha..kinda pricey pero ok lang, minsan lang naman eh :)

here are some pics from our Midtown Adventure..thanks to Arla for the photos ♥

KILL ZOMBBIEESSSS!!

B.A - Arla - Andy - Kri (Music Zone Divas)

Go Andy!!! drive lang..

my first TEA SQUARE

Post Birthday Bash :)

i celebrated my birthday with my ate net, nag date kami sa megamall went shopping, hair spa, and pigged out sa Mangan :). i actually enjoyed my birthday even though that's not what i have planned for months ago - things change and now, im much aware of that fact. kuya jan (ate net's hubby) cannot believe that im 20 already, parang kelan lang daw kinakandong niya lang ako ngyon pag daw kinandong nia ko, mababalian na xa ng balakang :)), may mga senti moments pa si kuya while we were eating dinner at Little Asia.

ate net asked me kung bakit daw kami nagbreak ni Ernest, as usual(like most of the people asking)..she did not believe my reason, impossible daw na wala namang dahilan ang break-up namin. well, even i naguguluhan sa talagang dahilan kung bakit kami nagbreak, but i have one reason in mind, we have a lot of differences. ang hirap naming magkasundo ng walang diskusyon na mangyayari and worst magaaway pa kami dahil sa napaka-liit na mga dahilan. either one of us should give way and usually, ako yun. honestly,sometimes nakakapagod din...but when you love someone, learn to accept his/er flaws. besides, i do think that we dont really have enough time to be together, even though his school is just across the street, even schedules namin ang hirap pagtugmain. i think, differences is the real reason why we broke up.

enough with my breakup stories, it's my POST BIRTHDAY bash story and here goes...

i dont really feel that it's my birthday, it is my first time to travel alone (from Manila to San Juan) on my birthday and for the first time in 3 weeks i was able to see people, i was able to go outside my normal box. it was kinda depressing to think that you are single and you are not with the person you wanted to be with, he did not even bother to call you, he did greet me the day before and that really pissed me off. because i was expecting that he knows that birthdays are really special for me and i wanted to feel special during my birthday (which i actually did when it was his bday). but i did not feel special at all. i feel alone and abandoned. i just needed a call from him - to hear his voice again, but it did not happen.

my sister and i went shopping at megamall, i bought new school shoes, i love it! i love my new 3-inch pin heeled shoes and i cant wait to wear it on tuesday. i had a hair cut today and i liked it, it's short now (the length my ex actually wants for me, hahaha, am i a biatch or what?!).i dont want to spend the money she gave me so i just window shopped for clothes, besides, i wanted to loose more pounds before i buy a new wardrobe.

i received a call before my birthday ended and it is from someone i never really expected, it's from Audrey (who is he?...a new friend, no..not a rebound, i like him and i want to know him more). he called my globe no. using their landline and said, "gusto ko ako yung huling babati sayo,sinet ko yung relo ng saktong 12, siguro naman wala ng hahabol no? ayun..HAPPY BIRTHDAY,wala akong load eh,. cge matutulog na ko.. good night". i was smiling the whole time and all i said was " thank you...good night". that was the sweetest thing, he did not text me the whole day, i even texted him during the day and said "hindi mo pa ko binabati ah! =P" ( we are friends...). it was a first, none of my bf did that and it was so sweet, i cannot stop smiling after that conversation and i really had a good night sleep.

he really did end my day, and the call i was expecting from Ernest (that did not happen) was given to me by Audrey which is quite interesting to study, which i dont want to study anymore because i do have this thing about expectations and im tryng to avoid it already.

Seriously Auds, what you did was sweet and i really needed that.. :)

the day after (november 3) was the celebration with family, they were expecting Ernest to be there - well he is not present, end of story. my other sister (i have 3 sisters btw) gave me Remington flat irons which i really really dig! i ssssoooo love it...it's ceramic and it is so cool! :) i will be spending hours ironing my new trimmed hair and im so loving it. the family dinner was just the same, i had fun with them :) especially playing with Kai Kai...

well, my birthday is over and now...new hair, new life to live.

♥b.a :)

I'm 20Teen :)

yup..IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!! :) im 20TEEN.

well, i have decided to start my blog because i believe that today is a special day for me. i am not a teenager anymore and months from now i will be graduating college and start my own life. i will start to be independent and to achieve the goals and ambitions i have established. and now, is my first time, in so many years to celebrate my birthday as a SINGLE person. yearly, i do have this tradition of waiting for midnight to strike and wait for greeters and i usually do it with someone. but now, i did it all by myself :) it was quite sad honestly, and i admit iam emotional right now, and yes, cheesy text msgs. from my Familia Manapac makes me cry.

im quite okay now, compared before. i am already coping up with everything and i think i have finally found myself back again. im now at my bitter stage, but i know this will end soon. it is quite helpful when you have a bunch of crazy friends around. we actually celebrated our birthday (mine, claire's and judy's bday) last sunday, we went at Enchanted Kingdom. and i really really had a great time. i actually screamed my depressions out at Space Shuttle :) it was a dream come true for me, it was my plan to go celebrate at EK with Ernest (my ex) but things did not work out that well. but i never really regretted that i celebrated it with my friends - it's 9 times more fun. :) they also surprised me a cake that i actually saw when we were waiting for Judy..hehehe..but i dont want to spoil the moment :)

i love my horoscope today:

When you're in a situation that involves big egos, play fair, not politics.

There will be many false starts today, either in a romantic context or in some other, emotionally-charged arena. You will feel you've been promised something when no promise has actually been made. To protect yourself from being hurt, it is best for you to not have any expectations at all. There will not be any type of follow-through communication. That phone call or email is not going to make its way to you today, so do yourself a favor and focus on other things that you can do something about.

in detail? I SHOULD NOT EXPECT ANYMORE. it hurts twice when you expect it and it turns out exactly the opposite of what you ahve ever wanted. i should go at let live my life.

♥ b.a :)